from fruitcake's friends (1999)

Gabriel

Back in the day
He had to step out for the first time
What did he say
When he finally opened both his eyes
He was tiny, he was fragile
He was a little angel
And his name was Gabriel

Once was a toy
For everyone above the yield sign
It was a boy
Who thought that he would be cool in time
He was young and impressionable
In a world nonsensical
And his name was Gabriel

Back in the dream
He had to look for his hands again
How did it seem
When he finally found the nightmare's end
And then the future opened up
He was a mite fanatical
And his name was Gabriel

Once was a field
Stretched as far as the eye could see
Who failed to yield
To the wall of opportunity
He took his chances when they came
He always loved the animals
And his name was Gabriel

Back in the school
He found a brand new way to think
He was no fool
When he finally thought to dodge the sink
He was growing, he was agile
Bona fide and he was real
And his name was Gabriel

Once was a mind
Filled to the brim with photographs
It was the kind
He could easily generate laughs
Even in days when he was down
He was so emotional
And his name was Gabriel

Back in the way
A sandwich thought it could hinder him
She couldn't stay
Flew away and then it made him grim
He pulled through 'cause he was right
His good it was so surreal
And his name was Gabriel

Once was a boy
In a far from ending search for light
Now there's a joy
So happily blinded by the bright
He had a flame with a new name
That's what he made magical
And his name was Gabriel

Back in the now
His world is finally fit together
No wonder how
He always made it last forever
Suzy said he fills her head
Well that's what makes him wonderful
And his name is Gabriel

Once there's a plan
Way beyond the point of turning back
The outstretched hands
Of care stretch tight and they give no slack
Someone said he's a great friend
Well that's what makes him beautiful
And his name is Gabriel.

("copywrite" 12:31 pm thursday may 22 1997)


Suzanne

A child's charm
And mature compassion
Couldn't harm
The simplest creation
Innocence is wonder
In purity
The minuscule numbers
Of charity
Explode with inspiration in the presence
Of complexity in a little package
Dense with kindness and a pheasant's
Brilliantly colored outward magic
So shine on, shine on
'Cause darkness comes when the light is gone
And though the time has been short
This is just the beginning
Everything lay ahead
And your friends pray
You'll never change . . .

And who can almost always understand?
I can, Suzanne
Who can be one of your best friends?
I can, Suzanne

A bright star
And a rainbow of colors
Flow so far
From hardly any other
Integrity is union
In personality
There's so much more than one
Facet of a scheme
Enriched with the good of infinity
And a universe of vast discovery
Then come across parallel electricity
And decipher the cohesive energy
And shine on, shine on
'Cause everything dies when the spark is gone
And though the time has sometimes
Been less than perfect
That's just how it is
But everything lay ahead
And the good outweighs the bad . . .

So who can pull you out of life's pile of poo?
He can, Suzanne
Who can give you a lifetime of Goo?
He can, Suzanne

So take a picture, and draw reality
There's no conjecture of what is plain to see
Stay the same, never change
The sense of honor the sense of humor
All these creations deserve admiration . . .

Who can admire everything you do?
We can, Suzanne
Who can always be there for you?
We can, Suzanne

Individualistic
With silver sparkle lipstick
No embellishments
Of such intelligence
There are no words . . .
There are no words . . .
Running out of words . . .

Who can take a stand and stand out for miles?
You can, Suzanne
Who can charm the world with a little smile?
You can, Suzanne

Suzanne . . .
Such a good friend,
Suzanne

Who can make the world seem like brand new?
We all can, Suzanne
Who can start all over when we're all through?
We all can, Suzanne
Who can believe in everything and you too?
We all can, Suzanne
We all can, Suzanne
We all can . . .

("copywrite" 9:32 pm friday january 17 1997)


Jennifer

I remember you
Holding me
Once

You reminded me of me
And I had no fear
You gave so much hope to me
All through the year
Make me feel natural
Make me feel cool
You gave me friendship
At a lonely school
And I could tell you honestly
I felt safe just being me
I never quite understood why
Your life had to become such a mess
It wrenched my heart to see you cry
Under the weight of hopeless stress
Puffing on smoke
Taking LSD
Drinking till you puke
And calling me

It's okay, it's all right
I try to understand
And still the crush tightened
It's okay, it's all right
I couldn't be your man
And I felt so enlightened
I just want, I just need--
I just want you to know

Wonderful you've always been
Beautiful you'll always be
So I went out on a limb
And then I fell from the tree but
Jennifer
I miss you, Jennifer

You'll remember me
Telling you
Once

The purity test
Takes over all the rest
Tickle my crotch
And it's really not much
Wouldn't tell you what I think
When I beat off
So can you tell me what you think
It is enough
For me to know about you
So much about what you do
We don't have to be more than friends
We don't have to check out men
We don't have to make this the end
I just want to be your good friend
Only told you that I love you
In your dreams
Take a look around you
And see me

It's okay, it's all right
You try to understand
And still you felt reluctant
It's okay, it's all right
We'll never be more than friends
And I hope you're enlightened
I just need, I just want--
I just need you to know . . .

Wonderful you've always been
Beautiful you'll always be
So I went out on a limb
And then I fell from the tree but
Jennifer
I miss you, Jennifer

So close
Yet so far away
I think of what to say
Observing what I can't see
Proximity
Always haunting me . . .

Wonderful you've always been
Beautiful you'll always be
So I went out on a limb
And then I fell from the tree but
Jennifer
I miss you, Jennifer
I really miss you
Jennifer

Have a nice life
Reach for your dreams
Never forget me
Missing you, Jennifer
I miss you, Jennifer


("copywrite" 9:51 pm saturday december 28 1996)


Joshua

I was jaded once upon a time
I berated turning on a dime
I was given company a new
I was walking then without a clue
It takes time sometimes to see the light
Itís sublime how time can change whatís right
Itís the same when revelation comes
It makes names seem important to some


Turn my head and years have flown -- right by
Things youíve said well they have caught -- my eye
I believe that we have grown -- our selves
Opposites along have got -- so well
Joshua donít you think itís time
I recognized your kindness again
Joshua donít you think itís time
I thanked you for being my friend


Four years now since genesis begun
My fears now are always on the run
Canít hold on to them they do escape
Iím too comfy here in my estate
Far away you connect on the line
Indicate that you can make the time
Every so often youíre so inclined
Every so often youíre in your prime


Close my eyes and I see truth -- filtered
Visions two can coexist -- guiltless
Donít believe we are aloof -- not now
Distance has not yet vexed us -- and how
Joshua donít you think itís time
I realized you never offend
Joshua donít you think itís time
I thanked you for being my friend


Joshua donít you think itís time
I recognized your giving hand
Joshua donít you think itís time
I thanked you for being my friend
Joshua donít you think itís time
We saw how our worlds can blend
Joshua donít you think itís time
I thanked you for being my friend


What the future holds
Is in the past again
Tomorrow is contained
In yesterday
When the friendship stays
In the future then
Tomorrow is contained
In yesterday
Tomorrow is contained
In yesterday
Tomorrow is contained
In yesterday


(ďcopywriteĒ 12:13 pm tuesday may 18 1999)


Danielle

Swimming
She told them not to swear
Around him
They better not dare 'cause
They don't know him
And then he said "God dammit!"

Singing
They had no clue this was
"The Good Old Days"
Up and down and all around
Pebubescent sounds
And he got it all on tape

Fighting
Floating around what's mentioned
His brother causes tension
Fucking asshole, fucking hate
This is fucking family controversy
And he got it all on tape

Talking
All the mothers around the table
And she took advantage
She knew we were all unstable
And rode the avalanche
And he sat there with a frown . . .

And he wrote it all down . . .

Old friends
Good friends
Friends forever
Friends until the very end
That's what she said . . .

Writing
He asked her where she's been
Lately
He asked her what it means
It's not a fairy tale
And he put it in the mail

Calling
"Long time no speak" she says
He asks her why
He wants to know can he depend
She gives him reassurance:
We'll always be friends

Driving
They had no idea
Where they went
Left, right, all around town
Superficiality abounds
And she took him home

Conversing
They had no idea
Where they were going
As she spoke and cried
She seemed grateful and thanked him
And they said goodbye

And then she disappeared . . .

Old friends
Good friends
Friends forever
Friends until the very end
That's what she said . . .

Waiting
He stopped expecting her to call
Him again
And then one day, one day
She up and reappeared
And it seemed it might be okay

Ringing
The phone still rang again
He's overjoyed
They keep in touch and hiatus ends
She gives him reassurance
They'll always be friends

Old friends
Good friends
Friends forever
Friends until the very end
That's just the way it is . . .

Remaining
Friends forever they
Remain
Everything is different now
Everything is new
And they're both open to growth

And they both care so much more . . .

Old friends
Good friends
Friends forever
Friends until the very end
That's the way they remain

Hurting
Doesn't happen anymore
These days
Danielle opened the door
And finally let him in
And it's gonna be okay . . .

Danielle
It's gonna be okay
Danielle
Thank you for the turn-around
Everything gives friendly sounds
These days, Danielle

These days are all that count . . .

Old friends
Good friends
Friends forever
Friends until the very end
From genuine evidence . . .

'Cause these are the days that count
These are the days that count,
Danielle


("copywrite" 4:30 pm monday january 20 1997)


Barbara

She has no fear beyond her years she saves no tears
And she listens to the hissing of bye-gone wishing
Well who the hell knows how much she cares . . .
A normal death is all one hath it's simple math
Just take a look just read the book and you'll be hooked
It's not so hard to find your own path . . .
She's forty-five she's so alive so who'll contrive
The photo shoot don't forget boots picturesque suits
Well who the hell believes she's Barbie . . .
Just one step back subjective flak what does she lack
Abnormalcy is what we need she provides me
It's not so hard to eat a big mac . . .
She has no age she turned the page escaped the cage
And she went on disarmed the bomb that's how she won
Well who the hell understands this now . . .
It's all inside but open wide well bona fide
The promotion of the notion of self-motion
It's not so hard to distinguish . . .
She will make sense of the passed tense significance
The future holds the extinct cold the new-found bold
Well who the hell won't follow this one . . .
A mixed beauty human duty cosmic purity
It's all the same in this one game becoming tame
It's not so hard to
It's not so hard, not so hard
So hard to find a middle name . . .

Who the hell knows what's ever going on
Scrambling under risen setting suns
In the midst of chaos singularity came
'Cause Barbara doesn't have a middle name
What the hell do you mean repeat that please
Just take it how you want it feel the breeze
If it hurts your head well who can you blame
'Cause Barbara doesn't have a middle name
Who the hell knows exactly where she lives
All that I know is exactly what she gives
Never-ending pleasant distorting dreams
'Cause Barbara doesn't have a middle name
What the hell is going on in our life
When so many people can lick the knife
We'll go here to put a slant on the game
'Cause Barbara doesn't have a middle name
Who the hell has the guts to simply stand up
In a world of such over-running cups
Some people don't give a shit about fame
'Cause Barbara doesn't have a middle name
What the hell makes me think I'm so special
Just as anyone I'm just a vessel
But look at her who lit the ideal flame
'Cause Barbara doesn't have a middle name
Who the hell wants to oppose anything
Who the hell wants to claim this anything
She doesn't at all seem to want to scream
'Cause Barbara doesn't have a middle name
What the hell does all this mean
What the hell is the point to what we've seen
Look at the woman here who has no shame
Look at the woman here who's not the same
Look at the woman here with no middle name
No Barbara doesn't have a middle name . . .


("copywrite" 5:00 pm sunday september 28 1997)


Lynn

"Que tal," she said, "Estoy tu nueva amiga de corresondencia."
Then light was shed on the years ahead of literary fantasia
Beyond the warnings from Mr. Potato Head
That I'd wish I was dead if I ever touched her
So we all met together
And she chuckled at my silence
And his white knuckles
And the root beer became a first memory
The beginning of a new recorded history

And the years rolled on
Over spuds and beyond
Responsibility lacking
Stability cracking
Families ever singed
Some things never change
And sometimes the familiar never stays
And it's not so predictable these days
To think responsibly it's not that hard
But too hard for those who don't know how to pray

But there is someone
Who'll one day thank God
For ancient history
And there is someone
Who devised a plot
For ancient history
Full of root beer memories . . .

Positivity is only on the Y axis
We need to look up, not back at X
The seats on which we sit are not just made of cactus
And the surrounding space is not just special effects
Those are real planes here and there at different angles
Only when we close our eyes do we get entangled
That plane lies in Z, that one A, that one G
That one M, that one L, it never ends
As long as sight of the angle of ladders is not lost
This life is nothing but eons across
And some planes crack, some buckle and some planes crash
And HERE I AM, ever-sturdy in a cloud of ash
Fixed epitome of perpetual reflection
Reaching through a spider web of brittle connections

I can't tell you why I so love to connect
Just look up at Y, don't look back at X
Just stay focused on opportunity
We all know potatoes rot quickly
Scan the axes, ride those going places
And now you're in a day at the races
Well there will always be hope for us all
But the greater numbers stick to great friends
You won't need a net 'cause you'll never fall
And all connections will cheer in the end . . .

Kindness is contagious in a massive over-haul
Through all connections and it all comes back to Lynn.


<"copywrite" 5:55 pm wednesday august 16 1998)


Heidi

Does Heidi remember me
Does Heidi recall her maiden name
Does she remember Olympia
Does she remember California
Does Heidi remember New Year's Eve

How am I supposed to know how you will take this?
Are we even still on a first name basis?
A lifetime of friendship, I remember
A lifetime of family . . .
How am I supposed to know if you remember
Laughing with me through those wonderful short summers
A summer from childhood, I remember
Those summers immortalized . . .

Heidi do you realize what you've done
Severed all comtacts and on the run
What the fuck are you so afraid of
I've always been here for you
Always more than just a vessel for drainage
Heidi do you have any idea
There really is more to life than diarrhea
I'm still right here to tell you
There's more to life than Midwestern garbage

I know you can achieve your dreams
Because I care about you
I believe in you
I know nothing is what you seem to think it seems
I'm still your friend, I'm still the same
There's more to us than the spelling of a name
I know how it is, I know who you are
I know what it takes to travel so far

But you've gone too far,
Heidi . . .
Heidi you've gone too far . . .
Further than the necessities
The necessities of memory

Oh does Heidi remember me
Does Heidi recall her maiden name
Does she remember Leavenworth
Does she remember our past's worth
Does Heidi remember Thanksgiving
Well does Heidi remember me
Does Heidi recall her maiden name
Does she remember oceam tides
Does she remember holiday pie
Does Heidi remember family needs (family times)
Well I remember connecting
I recall mutual respecting
I remember getting dirty
I remember playing Bernie
And I do remember reflecting
Oh I remember playing in the dark
I recall years of amusement parks
I remember thinking things better
I remember Heidi's last letter (I remember jealousy . . .)
When I remembered one summer's eve . . .

And you thought you wiped the slate clean . . .

But Heidi I've been misrepresented
Heidi we're not disconnected
We can still intermingle
You're just looking at the wrong angle
So get off your head
And get on your feet
You know you have a family
With whom you'd like to meet
Some time again, before the baby has aged

Tell me do you remember people love you
Do you have any idea that I miss you
Does Heidi remember family that I miss?
Does Heidi remember deep history?

Heidi remember I care about you
Heidi remember I believe in you
Heidi remember I have love for you
Heidi remember
I have love for you . . .


("copywrite" 10:42 pm sunday july 12 1998)


Jennifer

Whether it's your horse's leg
Or my colossal nosehair
Whether it's secret candles
Or a louder penis dare
Whether it's being stupid
Just to get people to stare
Whether it's being childish
And holding right-angled hair
If it's doing jumping jacks
In middles of the night there
In Grandma's lawn together
There's never any nightmare
Whether feet tied together
Or pretending to be fair
Whether being sarcastic
With the old McQuilkin flair
Whether racing Oregon
California's rain so rare
Whether standing tidal waves
Or all Disney everywhere
Whether misbehaving boys
Or pretending not to care
Whether taping puzzle toys
Or laying emotions bare
Whether it's a screw driver
Or a Denny's headache lair
Whether coming out with it
At any time anywhere
Jennifer, Jennifer
Jennifer we make one hell of a pair

Whether we remember childhood
Or just don't give a shit
Whether we can respect kindness
Sometimes debatable
Whether we live far apart
Won't make any difference
We've always been together
A birthright on which we sit
Whether we sing the hang loose song
Or in high mountains freeze
Whether drinking too much egg nog
Or watching Christmas trees
Whether walking Touristtown
In a near tropical bliss
Whether standing upside-down
And taking many pictures
Whether living in cities
And ignoring all scripture
If confusing everyone
Who just don't have a clue
There is always just this one
Connection I have with you
Whether universities
Or sifting through thick chicken
Whether there is honesty
Is measured by how sickened
I have ever been with you
Hardly ever, hardly will
Jennifer, Jennifer
Jennifer's friendship has no need for will

Whether it's a set of teddies
Or beds with too much feeling
Whether it's just potato chips
Or bouncing off the ceiling
Whether it's taking my lead
And just cooperating
Whether it's shaking your head
And deciding we're leaving
Whether it's screaming on tape
Or never trusting my threats
Whether it's being stubborn
Or finally somewhat yielding
Whether it's just talking trash
Or actually placing bets
Whether living on shit lists
Or exiting the building
Whether in comfort stations
Or just the ocean soothing
Whether recording the phone
Or some reception losing
Whether being impatient
Or simply pumpkin grooving
Whether seven deadly sins
Or dogs self-urinating
Whether searching for the beef
Or wondering of Heidi
Whether we are taping it
At any time, anywhere
Jennifer, Jennifer
Jennifer we make one hell of a pair

Whether looking toward the future
Or looking at the past
Well we can just remember
That we can still make it last
Be here for you forever
Is not a difficult task
Our lives are just beginning
Even in that which we bask:
A history of memories
That will never go to waste
And now we look ahead here
And of course we must make haste
Everything's in front of us
And I'm not a mental case--
We in our environments
Have broken free from the chains
We have so many secrets
That only you and I share
And seeing is believing
When others try to go there
We can't be infiltrated
Because of our friendship's might
We'll always be together
Reaching our many new heights
Whether living close together
Whether living far apart
The end will reach us never
Hardly ever, hardly will
Jennifer, Jennifer
Jennifer's friendship has no need for will . . .



("copywrite" 11:30 pm monday july 13 1998)



Michael

So I sit at the far end of the table
Wave expressionlessly in the limbo of the bar
There is always time when I will say nothing
Yet youíre there behind my progress here, so far
Well here I go, you let me go
A lack of pressure makes me venture
And suddenly Iím on a brand new road
You let me go, well here I go
A lack of turbulent water so
Iím propelling myself now . . .

We all know thereís a first time for everything
Youíre an isolated incident
My mindís been in Machu Picchu thanks to you
Thereís no such thing as coincidence
Well there you go, you let me know
We all rely on colors of perception
You let me know, where I will go
And so you render staunch foundation
When I first offer lunch invitation

And so branches the range, someone systemic
So open to change Iím schizophrenic
Habitually I will purge this remedy
Perpetually on the verge of vomiting
Until I start puking up recognition
Of someone exceeding obligations

For now I try to understand . . .

What the fuck is wrong with you?
Youíre so inclusive
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Conclusions never jumping
What the fuck is wrong with you?
So non-invasive
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Well shit, there must be something . . .

The question has been answered
The answer has been questioned

Actively searching for character flaws
To make you seem more human
I know you donít really come from Mars
Just a different world from my own
This is a kindness I have never known
Its consistency unbelievable
There is a blindness out of which Iíve grown
So effectively more knowledgeable

And if I start to doubt your sincerity
Well the relevancy it means nothing to me
Regardless of anyoneís severity
Your presence in my life has done wonders for me
Provided the pages on which I can write my own Bible
This is what I take from you, Michael
Propel me with the clarity of the road I construct ahead of me
I just wanted to thank you, Michael
Propellers fan, until I can
Blow
The wind
Back.

(ďcopywriteĒ 11:52 a.m. sunday october 24 1999)


Friends


Where would I be without my friends?
I would be driving on a dead end
Where would I be without my friends?
Iíd fall into the wall and do it again
and again and again and again . . .
What would I do without each of you?
I could not know whatís right and true
What would I do, would I do without you?
well without you what would I do . . .


And I love everybody
Yeah I love everybody . . .
Well I love everybody
Thatís right, I said I love everybody
But you are all people I actually like


All I ever wanted was to make a difference
And look at me here thatís no coincidence
I am a special kind of wonderful
Thanks to all of you
I am a certain type of beautiful
Thanks to each and every one of you


What more could I ask for?


I need an agent!
I need a studio!
I need a goddam producer!
This fucking sucks!
But I sing it with my heart
I sing it from my heart


You donít think Iím asking too much?
Why donít you throw in a dermatologist while youíre at it?


Come on, cut me some slack!
I have a good heart on the attack
I really have talent, I do I swear!
Just because you canít hear it
Doesnít mean it isnít there . . .


You should at least be thankful
That I love everybody
Yes I love everybody
And you are all people I actually like
I am a special kind of wonderful
Thanks to all of you
I am a certain type of beautiful
Thanks to each and every one of you . . .


Thereís a fine line between
Confidence and arrogance
Either way,
I am fantastic.
Thank you very much.


(ďcopywriteĒ 7:24 p.m. sunday december 19 1999)


for suzy:



more images: